Want
by ArianaGrande08
Summary: A story about Tori's struggle with falling for Jade, and how it kills her knowing she'll never have her.
1. Chapter 1

**Want**

Every day. Every day I helplessly watch her fawn over him like he's treating her right and giving her his all.

As if he's the most perfect boyfriend ever.

But it was my fault that they got back together, if I hadn't interfered they might still be single. But I being the generous and zealous Tori Vega, I had to open up my mouth.

Jade West is a gorgeous and mysterious creature, the way her blue eyes some times appear to be green, and light up like a thousand Christmas lights when a new pair of sharp scissors are presented in front of them.

The way her full pink lips curl up in to a devious and feigning smirk when she strikes at me with venomous words.

But I'd do anything to kiss those lips.

They way she scores the highest in every single one of her classes and is a secret genius, her intelligence incomprehensible, yet no one realizes it but me.

When Jade is reading a script in class, the words flow off her tongue with incredible ease, and she captures the character's emotions and actions so precisely it makes you captivated by how she makes it look so easy. It's as if she's done it her whole life, and the passion is so evident in her eyes and movements while she performs.

Or just the littlest things, like the way Jade is addicted to coffee and must have it at all times. Or how she snips the ends of her hair when she's nervous or completely bored.

It's these minuscule habits that I've fallen for these past two years, that I've fallen in deeply and utterly in love with the things that make up Jade as a whole. Sure the girl has an almost poisonous and extreme hate towards me, to which I still don't understand.

Yet she is an absolute goddess in my eyes, I just wish she knew. But then again I don't, for the fear of her most bitter and wicked response to my confession.

Besides, she's in love with Beck.

Emotionless robot, egomaniac Beck.

_Beck_.

The name makes my heart ache as if it's been ripped out by wolves, thrown under a bus going 1 million mph, stabbed repeatedly with shards of broken glass, rubbed with sandpaper, and cut in halves.

He gets all her love, the love I crave each and every day to have.

He is the only barrier that comes between Jade and I, and if he wasn't around I would immediately tell Jade how I felt. And despite the horrid comments she might make, I wouldn't care because she would know my genuine feelings. She deserves to know how much she means to me, and that I would treat her like gold.

The thought of actually being Jade's girlfriend makes my heart skip a beat.

I never really fathomed being with a girl before I met Jade, thinking the possibility was outrageous and wrong as society depicts it as. But something about Jade made me just want to love her. I push her words aside and focus on her real self, knowing that she is not a cold hearted person, she has feelings and just desires to be loved and cared for.

I swear, those lips would be kissed with any chance I could get, I would let her know how much I love her in small but not overly romantic ways. Jade would never feel neglected because I'd let her know that I am there for her. To hold her, to kiss her, to listen to her, to understand her, to simply love her. And if we did fight I would take the blame because knowing what Jade went through in her past is enough pain to last a lifetime.

I wouldn't make a big deal out of her birthday. She _hates_ that.

Of course Jade hates a great deal of things, but she says birthdays just celebrate another year closer to death. Which is honestly true, but if she didn't want to celebrate it, I would accept that.

But I know what I would get her as a present. A bunny.

She hates everything but bunnies, coffee, horror, and scissors, and they way she almost acts innocent when she talks about these things is quite adorable. It shows a side of her that is hidden away but I would love to get to know.

I am aware that Jade is capable of being vulnerable like all of us are at some point in out lives. The time she showed up at my house in desperate tears and pleaded for my help because of Beck was when I came to the conclusion that Jade West has a heart.

A heart that I will never get to listen to.

A heart I will never get to love.

A heart that I want more than life itself.

* * *

**Hey there. I don't even know how to apologize for my absence, but I am soooooo sorry for not updating. I am thinking of rewriting Give Love A Try. But I'm not sure yet. I will be adding to Treacherous this weekend, and I might add to Give Love A Try if I don't rewrite it. I am still alive, but these past couple of months have drained me both emotionally and physically. I will make it up to you guys! So sorry! **


	2. Chapter 2

**_Ooc: I'm doing Tori's point of view for now, since it's easier to write for me, considering this story is based off what I'm going through at the moment. But I can also do Jade's take on the whole situation if that's what you want! Let me know! :)_**

* * *

**Chapter 2: ****Heart of Gold**

_Beep. Beep. Beep. _My alarm clock shrieks in my ear, my eyes snapping open as I glance at the red numbers on the screen. I release a muffled groan, my heart dropping to my stomach as I realize it's time for school.

Don't get me wrong, I used to love school before Jade came into my life. My friends at Sherwood loved me and were true friends for life, but I was overcome with emotions from my showcase performance that I didn't think of the consequence of losing them after transferring. But I can't deny that I love my friends here at Hollywood Arts, but since I met Jade, my life has been slipping from my grasp.

The only thing that sneaks into my mind during my classes anymore are those damn blue eyes. How gorgeous they are and how I wish I could stare into them all day if I had the chance. I often wonder how they would look in the night, being lit up by the moon. But that brings me to the whole comparison of Jade's pale skin to the alabaster moon, and becomes the catalyst for a million more thoughts that distract me from my class.

Kicking off the covers and dragging myself out of bed in a sloth-like manner, I stand up and stretch, taking note of just how exhausted I am. Last night I stayed up until two in the morning, and guess who I happened to be thinking about?

_Jadelyn August West. _

Every time I hear her name my heart erupts into a sporadic beating fit, I come alive and search for those blue eyes when someone mentions that beautiful name. It's as if she could make me do anything. And I hang on her every word, helplessly. More like pathetically.

_Pathetic_.

That's definitely the word to describe my part in this particular situation. I have become infatuated with the girl who makes my life a complete living hell. The girl who never has a nice word to say to me, even when she tries to compliment me it sounds like a threat. As if one of these days she'll take her favorite scissors out and shred me to pieces for the fun of it.

But I keep hoping. I don't know why though, she's in love and there's nothing I can do to make her fall out of it. As selfish and narcissistic as it sounds, I want Beck and Jade to break up. I want him to do something that ruins their relationship, I want to be the one who gets Jade back on her feet more than anything.

Since all of this I find myself feeling as if I'll never find love.

Because the only one I want to be with doesn't love me and can't love me back, and I think that's what kills me inside. Jade _can't_ love me. It took her a year to admit her feelings for Beck, and now that she's found something that seems _normal_ or _right, _she'snot going to just fall out of love for me, her enemy.

Besides, I don't even know if she's genuinely into girls. I mean Cat told me that Jade made out with a couple girls at parties as dares and with Beck's consent, but she could have been drunk or there could have been a variety of details that were lacked in the development of that story. It's high school, gossip and rumors change faster than you can even spread them.

So it leaves me with a mind occupied by unanswered questions, ones that coincidentally pop up in my brain at the most inopportune times of my life.

For example, during dinner the other night, my mom was complaining to me about my grades and I completely zoned out, all because I was wondering what Jade was like or what she preferred in bed. Needless to say I was red as a tomato when my mother caught me not listening, and I needed to freshen up after the promiscuous thoughts that went through my mind during the meal.

And when I'm sitting in class daydreaming about what it would feel like if Jade came up to me, kissed me, and held my hand, not caring who was watching. Or how she would react if I did it to her. This is when Sikowitz screams "Boo, wake up Toro!" in my face or makes me do a drive by acting exercise that makes me want to hit him in the head with the coconuts he waves around on a daily basis.

But I take it, my heart caving in the entire time.

I know people have so much worse than me around the world, and I am grateful for everything I have. But there's always that hole that is left in my heart at the end of the day, making me feel like the Titanic, and my heart sinks pitifully to the bottom of my chest, never to be saved.

I despise having selfish thoughts like these, but I just want love to be reciprocated to me for once in my life. I spend my time caring too much, and people just take advantage of it and brush me to the side until they need me for something trivial, and all I am at the end of the day is recycled. Used and abused, only good for one thing. Used for my knowledge or to be someone who is forced to listen to everyone else's problems. Yet no one knows that I have a heaviness in my heart that is weighing me down like a ton of bricks.

Or that I have a heart of gold that is gradually rusting.

That I'm suffering, breaking down piece by piece, second by second.

And that one of these days I'm going to snap and not be able to take anymore.

But yet I walk through the doors and into Hollywood Arts, feigning a cheerful smile and acting as if everything is just fine.

But it's not.


	3. Chapter 3

**_Hello my friends. Yet another long absence. I know, I'm really bad at this updating thing. But after this week, I'M COMPLETELY DEDICATED TO WRITING! There, I wrote it so I have to do it. My finals are done this week, so after them I am ready for a Jori filled summer! Stick around folks, there's good things to come! _**

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**Chapter 3: Watching _Them_ Break  
**

Two more months of agony occur, until I started to realize some crucial things. I was so wrapped up in my selfish pity and depressing cloud of doom, that I was so oblivious to the marvelous things occurring around me.

Beck and Jade are deteriorating. Their relationship is crumbling right before my very eyes, and I've been way too self centered to even notice! It all clicked when I arrived at school today.

My usual morning starts off with me dragging my butt out of bed, showering, getting dressed and all that, then scarfing down breakfast. I'm forced to ride to school with Trina, because I'm apparently the only 17 year old without a driver's license. My ears are nearly bleeding from her screeching she classifies as singing while listening to the radio. Or I usually end up with shaving cream all over me from having to shave her jungle of arm pit hair (seriously, who has that much hair?!). Today I was spared though, my father drove me to school before heading to the station. But anyway, after all that, I padded into Hollywood Arts and expected to find the usual surroundings;

Cat is usually with Robbie on the steps talking about nonsense, Andre is usually playing some type of music or occasionally talking to Beck at their lockers, and Jade is usually sipping her black coffee (with two sugars of course), while talking/making out with Beck or wreaking havoc on the innocent victims of Hollywood Arts.

But today I walked in, trying to be in a tolerable mood for the sake of Andre, who now knows about my undying love for Jade, (but that's an entirely different and awkward story that will be shared another time). Jade was at her locker, but her eyes were like daggers, locked on Beck, who was talking to some girl at his locker. I believe her name is Abigail. She's quite pretty, tan skin, hazel eyes, long, straight brown hair. He's working on a project with her for song writing 101, but leave it to Jade to think something else is going on. After parting with Abigail, Beck walks, (almost struts like he freaking owns the place, in my opinion), over to Jade. That's basically where it all goes downhill.

Jade West has very short temper as we all know, and one little thing can make that ticking time bomb explode. I pity anyone who sets her off unintentionally, which is usually a student just asking a simple question, but 99.9% of the time it's _me_ who feels the wrath of the Wicked Witch of the West.

But anyway...

A coffee cup goes flying, decently hot liquid is splattered onto Beck's white shirt and perfectly styled hair. What struck me was that she did it with a smile, and looked so confident while potentially severly burning her darling boyfriend. And I thought getting iced coffee poured on me was bad, but man, that must have being torturous.

Beck who I swear thought was going to hit Jade right then and there, pulled the satisfied pale girl off into the janitor's closet. All while dripping coffee all over the floor and leaving a sticky trail behind them. All of us bystanders stood in utter shock, jaws slack open waiting for the "it" couple to emerge from the closet.

A good five minutes went by, when Jade stormed out of the closet right as the warning bell rang and nearly slaughtered anyone in her way.

But it gets better.

Sinjin had this 'spectacular' idea for a game show, called "Queries for Couples", and asked us all to participate in it. Big mistake.


End file.
